How many times have you left Halloween until the last minute? You’re invited to a party on the 27th. Great! So far away; weeks, even. A good few stacks of reading and a couple of kitchens worth of washing up later, and we fast-forward to the day before the party. Shit. All your friends are already boasting about how ingenious their costumes are, and all you can do is shrink into yourself and silently pray that no one notices your lack of costume input. “I’m going as a giant crayon!” one friend crows. “We’re going as the mystery gang!” another group boasts. “I’m going as a serial killer” the withdrawn guy who never speaks mentions quietly from the dark corner. There’s always one.

But never fear, fashionista! Here at Venue we have plenty of ideas (well, four…) that will definitively up your costume game and elevate you to super-mega-dream status among your peers.

1. Googly Eyed Monster

Here we go. Grab a couple of golf balls off a mate, or risk your life nicking them off a golf course, I don’t care. Paint black circles on both white balls, and stick em on the front of your craziest patterned sweater. Pull your sweater half off until the golf ball ‘eyes’ are roughly at monster face height. Hey presto, you’ve got yourself a googly monster costume fella.

2. 404 Costume Not Found

We’ve all accidentally stumbled across that annoying blank webpage when clicking on an important link on a favourite site, written in that equally irritating essay-style Times New Roman font in the corner of the screen. Why not take advantage of that maddening link, and draw (on a white T-shirt, mind) those very words with a black sharpie. An excellent excuse for a lack of costume on the night.

3. A Night In

This one is my personal favourite, and can be tailored for your comfort levels. Don slippers, a dressing gown, a messy bed head and pyjamas for an ironic spin on the truth; ‘I haven’t prepared for a costume, and screw you guys because I prioritise comfort over smelly plastic monster masks’. This could be customised into an Arthur Dent (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy) or a Jeffrey ‘The Dude’ Lebowski.

4. Dead Silent Movie Star

A final one adaptable for any gender; dress in a snappy suit, or flapper-style black slinky number, and use talcum powder to give your face and neck that deathly pallor. Add eyeliner or black face paint to paint on exaggerated eyelashes and heart-shaped lips. Bonus points if you can get your hands on some red food colouring and splosh that on your face/neck. Beware of clothing stains though.