Loneliness is a fucking drug.
Once you first taste loneliness,
It is as addictive,
As hard to quit
As the hardest drug I know.

The hardest drug I know
Is cocodomol.

Cocodomol became my friend
When at 13 I hurt my hip
And I needed a full night’s sleep,
When at 15 I first felt the bitter cold
Of loneliness wrap its arms around me
And I needed a few hours of calm,
When at 19 it revisited with
Hands wrapped tight around my neck
And I needed the relief of the dark.

‘Life’s not fair’
They teach you as a 5 year old
Learning the futility of pleading for
Five more minutes.
They teach you as a 16 year old,
A summer birthday, so young in your year,
Forever chasing to keep up with the rest.
They teach you as a 19 year old
Having not eaten properly for two days,
Your throat and stomach are tied in so many
Knots.

You never thought of yourself
As someone who used people before.
But when you crave the touch of a lover
Like your throat craves to be detangled,
Like your lungs crave a full intake of air,
It is difficult not to.
When you need the comfort of a friend
Like a flower needs the sun,
Like your heart needs to stop breaking,
It is impossible not to.

Loneliness is a fucking drug.
Your tired feet and quiet words
Know what to expect from it.
There is no comfort in its friendship,
But after 19 years
There is normality.


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