The season of messiness is upon us; it’s fresher’s week. For those of you who have only recently popped your Lower Common Room cherry, we here at Venue would like to give you a helping hand with what to wear for campus’ most banging night out. Even if you borrow your moves from the Puppet Man you’ll be getting luckier than a UEA rabbit: welcome to Norwich, y’all.

LCR

Photo: Union of UEA Students

Any evening spent at an LCR club night is pretty much guaranteed to be a good’un, as long as you lower all of your expectations and then lower them some more. The LCR is rad. It’s also effing disgusting. Bear this in mind; anything worth more than about twenty quid is probably best left at home. People will bump into you and spill their snakebite all over you, idiots in still damp body paint will rub up against you and for the love of God, DO NOT wear white. By the end of the night, the floor will become more treacherous than Chancellor’s Drive after a sharp frost.

Ladies, use your discretion – heels require night-long commitment. You really can’t go barefoot in that mess, plus there’s often an unholy amount of broken glass. Any event that’s held in the same room as a monthly blood donor’s meeting is going to be an inherently casual affair so you may want to save the party dresses for a place you can buy an actual cocktail. Three VKs in a pint glass isn’t a cocktail.

Fellas, you think you’ve got it so easy when it comes to nights out, don’t you?

Quick shower, clean shirt, quick spray of something or other (remember: no spray, no lay). Ha ha, think again. It will take you an unreal amount of effort to find a shirt not worn by at least twenty-five other guys. You may not be particularly bothered, but unless you’re very tall, it will be an absolute ‘mare for your friends to try and find you. Just be a little bit considerate and try to avoid a checked shirt and chinos; if you get lost in the Hive forever, it’ll be entirely your own fault.

A few words on fancy dress: make some damn effort. Unless you’re Gretchen Weiner or Regina George, underwear and animal ears just won’t cut it. Not in a prudish or judgemental way; lazy is just lame. Hogwarts LCR: go for Voldemort. Bald cap, white facepaint, and tape your nose up or something. Why not try being a PE teacher for the School Daze LCR, instead of the generic naughty-but-nerdy schoolgirl.

Although last minute fancy dress supplies can be bought at the box office, you’ll save a lot more money if you shop around, try Poundland or the market.

Basically, just dress up (cheaply) and get down (disgracefully).