who scooped me out?
who took a spoon from their draw
and
just
started
digging.
digging at my pure, white, vanilla flesh.
now you have only my vessel left.

did i taste sweet? cold? sharp?
i bet i shocked you. numbed you.
sent shivers through your bones.

who were you
to do this to me.

perhaps it made you feel less alone.
less volatile. to bury something deep within, then yank
it out,
it gave you that rush, that kick.
like a pill, a high only destined to be
sent
crashing.

and now I knock on doors of new men
hoping for them to take me in
with the same immediacy; the same lust. it’s thick
and i’m stuck in it. wading through it.
freezing, frozen, crumbling,
waiting.

and once a man houses me,
unpicks the thorns in my cotton,
melts away the ice on my shoes,
warms my face with his palms
i will be thinking
when
will this
send daggers through
my already exhausted
heart.
it out,