Let’s just get this out there right at the start so we’re reading from the same page. We all watch porn; we’re students, it’s basically expected of us. Honestly, you’re the exception if you haven’t had your mitts in your knicks within the last day. So we all know it’s not a stretch to say porn is unrealistic. How many plumbers do you know with a body cut from marble? Is your Dominos delivery guy a bit too randy? No, thought not.

Porn
The complete lack of reality has had a knock on effect though. TV has decided to show sex in a much more hilarious, but more realistic manner – a bit awkward, a bit funny, and sometimes not even that sexy. Take the BBC Three sitcom Pramface which isn’t very good but gets sex bang on. The main character loses his virginity in a drunken haze, and wakes up the next morning beside a girl who is full regret and also a foetus. Granted, your first time probably won’t result in pregnancy but it’s the drunken fumbling, awkward undressing, and a slight feeling of regret we’re focussing on here. That definitely wouldn’t happen in porn – the clothes are on the floor like there’s no tomorrow, there’s no messy groping for the bra clasp or asking ‘is it in yet?’

So let’s have a little talk about The Inbetweeners, that ‘documentary’ about sixth-formers. Specifically Will’s ‘first time.’ He has Charlotte, a busty maiden, in bed and then proceeds to move his entire body whilst trying (for lack of a nicer phrase) to enter her. This is probably the most realistic bit of sex on TV, especially sex that shows losing your virginity. No one really knows what they’re doing. Porn would have you believe every single person you meet knows all the dark secrets of the trade. They don’t; no-one does. How could we write about sex on TV and not mention girls? Doubtless many people will be wailing like a depressed porn star over how much it gets written about, but it gets so much attention for a very good reason. The sexy times it shows are realistic. They have great sex, bad sex, and average sex. It’s probably the least arousing thing you’ll watch where a bunch of twentysomething girls and guys get very naked.

Most of the time, we don’t come to TV to see an actual representation of sex. That’s why we have porn. Despite what Mumsnet might think, everyone can tell the difference. Porn isn’t damaging our expectations about sex any more than science fiction makes us think NASA use the Starship Enterprise. They’re different things for different purposes. Long live porn and long live bad, hilarious sex on TV.