Victoria Maitland


Correcting your wrongs the right way

At some point or another, all of us will have said or done something that’s hurt or offended someone else. It could have been a simple mistake, a badly phrased joke or a seemingly innocent comment which touched a nerve. As Elton sang, sorry seems to be the hardest word to say, but say it…

Creative Writing, OldVenue

Creative Writing: Sex in a Single

Some say simply sex is the performance of perfect unity but I disagree. You know you’re committed to the act when sex becomes mathematics. You have my respect when you can show off your A-Star GSCE: move shape A to shape B using factor two rotational symmetry. Employ Pythagoras as we switch; work out the…


Christmas Jumper Chaos

One week into December and, with less than a week of term to go, we are well and truly in the festive season. Tinsel, fairy lights and mince pies are all well and good, but what is more festive than the good old fashioned Christmas jumper? Whether you are a fan of the-tackier-the-better or prefer…

Features, Recipes

Pumpkin Soup

This dish is a great way to use up the flesh of the pumpkin after you’ve hollowed it out for carving. Serves 4 Ingredients 1 medium pumpkin – about 500 g flesh diced 1 medium onion (red or white), finely chopped 1 pint vegetable stock (mix a stock cube with warm water) 1 teaspoon butter…

Features, Recipes

Bonfire bombs

This is a sweet potato take on the classic stuffed jackets. You can use baking potatoes if you’d prefer, or if you have an oven, you can also do this with butternut squash – just ramp the cooking time to one hour, place back in the oven rather than under the grill, and double the…

Creative Writing, OldVenue

Creative Writing: Cellulite

‘I read it from cover to cover and every article in it, everything that it was saying, could be condensed down into one short quiz’ – Sarah Pascoe Answer the questions. A’s hate their face, B’s bodies. She’s not allowed to like either: she is a pear. Time cannot catch in her breast, trickle through…

Creative Writing

Defenestration: creative writing

I thought the door was open and the window shut – a trick of the light, perhaps. I heard the former slam as you pushed me out the latter. As I fell I looked up into your face. You were pressing your forefinger into the space between your eyebrows. Your thumb was on your lip….

June 2021
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