Travel

Beaching About Mountains

Blowing breezes and gentle winds were voted the 2nd most popular type of ASMR on Healthline, and the beach is the live concert of these hissing, whispering waves. Does anyone search for shouts ricocheting off mountain walls to help them sleep?

No, and that’s because beaches are better. The first thing that hits your taste buds is the salt-laced air, tinted with warm grainy sand. Not exactly what you would order at a restaurant but not unpleasant; it fills your nose and mouth with dry comfort. If you don’t share my view, then no problem – there are always shops, cafes, street food stalls and ice cream vans at beaches, with freshly caught fish ready to eat in any seaside town.

What is mountain cuisine, other than grubs, larvae and moss found on the underside of logs? Are soggy sandwiches really your idea of a holiday? Do you think Bear Grylls documents himself running along mountains because his viewership wants to see him enjoying himself from the comfort of their homes? No, mountains are for masochists. Masochists without toilet facilities.

Skiing may be fun, but only for those who have never been jet skiing. Hiking, I agree, is awesome – but why not do that on a cliff-face with a scenic seaside underneath it, especially with surrounding caves in which to go spelunking? Afterwards, you can even have a dip in fresh seawater and build sandcastles, warm sand submerging your senses like nature’s toaster.

When you look at those who visit beaches, they are always happy and relaxed, radiating the rays of sunshine. A lovely beach walk is never strenuous, whereas mountaineers trudge along, sweaty and red-faced after having to walk vertically for hours. Nudist mountains don’t exist for a reason.


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04/05/2021

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Jim Gell


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