Music, OldVenue

Blood, Sugar, Sex, Musik

Sadly, we can’t all be John Cusack in High Fidelity, and as such we don’t have the time to curate the perfect sex-mix. But for your general and listening pleasure, Mike Vinti, Myles Earle and Faith Ridler have gathered together to present Venue’s sexiest albums of all time

Technically a mixtape but undeniably a work of seductive brilliance, in his 2011 debut release XXYYXX flips samples from Beyoncé, TLC and Alt-J to create brooding, sexually charged electronica. The vast majority of the tape is instrumental so there’s no risk of a ‘let me looove you’ crawling out of your speakers and ruining all your hard work. The sensuality is all the synths; slow moving, chopped n screwed pulses of euphoria rolling over even slower basslines, its almost unsettling XXYYXX was 16 when this mixtape was released. Album opener About You is by far the sexiest track, a minimalist, proto-trap roller that crawls its way through it’s four minute track length slowly building layer upon layer of distorted vocals and oozing bass. True to form, its successor Good Enough is just as enticing, changing the pace with a garage-drum loop and yet more warped vocals courtesy of TLC’s No Scrubs.

Pulp This Is Hardcore
While Blur and Oasis where busy bickering about cocaine and who got to be the kings of brit-pop Pulp were creating some of the truly sexiest music to come out of the UK this side of the Berlin wall. Be it the orchestral erotica of title track This is Hardcore or the melancholic bliss of Help the Aged this album cemented Pulp’s place as the true masters of Brit-pop and helped Jarvis Cocker to become one of the least likely sex icons of the indie world. Opening track The Fear sets the tone well for the rest of the album with its mix of broken piano chords and wailing guitars, complimented perfectly as ever by Cocker’s dulcet tones. Seductive Barry encapsulates Pulp’s sexuality in eight minutes of slow, grooving, bass dripping with their trademark irony. If you’ve ever wanted to have the kind of sad, ‘end of a movie’ sex that we were promised by every teen movie then this is the album for you.

Miles Davis Sketches of Spain
Miles Davis is sexy. Flamenco is sexy. Miles Davis taking flamenco and adding his trumpety goodness all over it is sexiest album of all time territory. Complete with castanet clicks and soaring licks of sharp brass, Sketches of Spain captures the fusion of danger and sexuality that Spanish culture is so famous for. Probably more of one for the ‘heads than a post LCR hook-up, as tracks like Saeta let the side down in the sexiness stakes however the tango inspired Solea is all but guaranteed to get hips twitching from across the room. Sexiness aside it’s also one of Davis’ finest works and guaranteed to impress if you end up in bed with a Jazz fan, stranger things have happened.

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds Murder Ballads
No one quite treads the line between creepy and sexy as well as Nick Cave, and no album captures that fusion as well as 1996’s Murder Ballads. A tribute to crimes of passion, this album is filled from beginning to end with dirty, oftentimes violent slow jams that would turn the most polite of parties into a writhing mass of bodies. Stagger Lee tells the tale of a “bad motherfucker” fucking and killing his way across a small wild-west town before descending into a cacophony of squealing guitars and feedback. For those of you in doubt as to the sexiness of a vampiric middle-aged Australian, Where the Wild Roses Grow, Cave’s duet with none other than Kylie, should serve to prove his mastery of the dark side of sexuality, bubbling with breathless lyrics about murderous love.

Justin Timberlake Future Sex/Love Sounds
Alright, so maybe it’s predictable, but we can’t talk about sex without even mentioning Justin Timberlake. It could be memories of JT’s What Comes Around… video, or the fact he’s been claiming since 2006 that he’s “bringing sexy back,” but FutureSex/LoveSounds demands a place in Venue’s ‘Sexiest Albums of All Time’ run-down. It’s pure, smooth, seductive R&B, and it doesn’t let up for 66 whole minutes. Timberlake’s sophomore release is stronger and sexier than its predecessor, Justified, but it lacks any subtly. It’s a thousand miles from being romantic, with a blaring hip-hop edge and multiple extremely blunt innuendos; does that make it sexy? Timberlake has created music that demands attention, full to the brim with suggestion and effortless vocal runs. The tone is more than a little enticing, but it can’t be denied JT went a bit overkill with his lyrics.

Flology Flo’Ology
Slow, sultry and sensual, Floetry’s Flo’Ology is sexy in all its glory. This British neo-Soul duo not only conquered the UK with the sexy and buttery tones, but also broke the US with what is simply their best album. Including some of their hits like Lay Down and Feelings, these two did something completely new to the genre that made them oh-sosexy. Marsha Ambrosius, the ‘Songstress’, harmonises and backs their tracks with a voice that can only be compared to sex itself. Natalie Stewart, the ‘Floacist’, creates poetic verses that inspire and take you on a musical journey through their purple mist of stories about love, sex and relationships. These two sexy halves of one whole made sex a mystery, enigmatic and a force to be dealt with delicately. It’s no wonder they tell you to “use your imagination”, they get into your brain and plant the seed of sex.

Maxwell Embrya
If there is one man that has the ability to make someone feel sexy, it’s Maxwell. Famously known for his track This Woman’s Work, this guy really knows how to bring the sexy. Embrya, his second studio album, is sophisticatedly attractive, playing around with his soulful tones and holding your hand whilst you witness the sexual fantasies of “liquid kisses” and “luxury” that he creates. His track Luxury: Cococure not only lulls you into a world of lust, but Maxwell makes a point of keeping you drawn in with his seductive whispers, reaching falsettos that make the ladies swoon. Reaching heights of what it means to make sexy music, Maxwell makes an impression on the libido, the sexual instinct and could, as he says in his track, drive you crazy…crazy in love that is.

Erykah Badu Baduizm
There’s something super sexy about intelligence, especially the intellect that plays around with the idea of sex. That’s exactly what Badu does in this album; entitled with a concept of her music being almost religious, this sex Goddess explores the complication that comes with being too ‘good’ at making love, resulting in people being hooked, like a drug. It seems appropriate that the album is entitled Baduizm. In Next Life, the track starts off with a dialogue between her and a guy that wants to “whatever” he needs to do get with her, though she is in a relationship. However, her track Other Side Of The Game, with its enticing Jazz and Badu’s nonchalance, oozes sex completely. Exploring the intricacy of this complex relationship, Badu flips the script and expresses that she loves him “strong”. Metaphysics and sex have a home in Baduizm, and you can feel it.


About Author


mikevinti A failed musician at only 19, Mike has swapped dreams of rock glory for a desire to be part of Kanye West’s entourage. He will be spending his third year editing the music section in hopes that his dissertation will write itself and in the Norwich Arts Centre for similar reasons. Now bestowed with officially good taste in music, Mike can be found shouting at random passers-by about the artistic significance of Death Grips in hopes of finding a soulmate.

April 2021
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