Look at them. All just walking around. Getting on with their lives. I bet they don’t know what it’s like. I mean, some of them, maybe, but it can’t be this bad. If it was this bad, they wouldn’t be down there, walking around, getting on with their lives. If it was this bad, they would be up here, with me. But no one is with me. I am alone.
I chose the right building this time. It’s taken me a while, but I think I’ve got it now. The last building, I was too high up, and no one noticed. Someone pointed me out as though I was a statue, but they didn’t see me. They didn’t really see me. They never really see me.
The first time, the roof was too low, I fractured my ankle, broke a few ribs, nothing major. I had to tell them I was ‘admiring the view and slipped’. You can’t tell the doctors you jumped, they send you to the psych ward, and that’s always such a faff, such a set back. So you have to find the right height of your chosen building. Too high, and you chicken out. The people are too small and you don’t want to make such a splatter. Such a mess. But too low, and the best you get is a broken something. A fractured something. No long standing result. Just sympathy. And sympathy isn’t enough. Apparently nothing is.
So this is how it normally goes: The wind picks up, your heart does a little backflip, close your eyes and breathe. Deeply. Someone spots you, they point, maybe it’s a kid. You call it traumatising, I call it character building. Strangers, people who don’t know you, they start shouting. Stupid things like,
“What are you doing?”
“Are you okay?!”
“Don’t do it!” blah blah blah. By now someone has probably called the police. They won’t get here in time, but it’s their job to try. Someone shouts,
“You don’t want to do this!” Oh, what do you know?
More and more people gather at the base of the building, the sirens blare in the distance. That’s such a cliche isn’t it? Sirens blaring.
When it comes to it, like actually doing it, it’s not as dramatic. There’s no big jump. It’s not like bungee jumping. No one is cheering you on. You’re not coming back up. No. With this, it’s a lot less theatrical. The actual act, that is. Kind of like skydiving. You just sort of lean out. That’s it. With this, all you have to do is lean forward far enough, and gravity takes care of the rest for you. Some places have railings so you don’t want to pick that building. They’re so much of a bother to get around, it’s not worth the hassle. You don’t want to awkwardly clamber over. Or worse, try and jump it. No. It’s not a jump. It’s fall. You lean forward, and you just: fall.