Sex Survey 2019

‘Embrace your kinks instead of feeling so insecure’

Whether it’s choking, sex outside, a foot fetish, or anything Fifty Shades, everyone has a kink. Yet in my experience, I’ve met more people who are closed off from talking about their kinks to those who are open about it.

So why is society so secretive about what makes them happy? Many people are embarrassed. It seems like we’ve built up defence systems when talking about what gets us going in the bedroom. I believe the largest and perhaps most frightening problem facing kinks and fetishes is people’s reaction when you reveal what you enjoy; more often than not they will laugh, but there’s no point having friends who laugh at you for trying to be honest.

Imagine you have just met someone gorgeous, with a brilliant sense of humour. They live close and you both have great sex. They’re perfect in your eyes, but they like having sex outside (and I don’t just mean the five Ls). How do you react? Do you build up a wall against the topic, or do you relax and try to be accepting of their kink? Maybe it’s the thrill of the moment or the idea you could be caught. Personally I would try to embrace it, but a lot of people may run.

Another example is bondage. Being handcuffed to the bed facing whips and paddles is some people’s cups of tea. Pain in the bedroom is unconventional, but if it’s consensual, who cares?

In a lot of heterosexual couples the male likes to be the dominant, but many women think it’s degrading to be dominated by a man. If you ask me, this isn’t the case. What happens behind closed doors is between the couple and the couple only. Whether you like to be dominated or you find it empowering, it is not an outsider’s place to ridicule your actions.

Everyone should embrace their kinks instead of feeling so embarrassed about them. No one should care if you like having sex outside, choking, or BDSM. As long as you’re happy and comfortable you should do what makes you happy. After all, no one wants to have bad sex!

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June 2021
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