Everyone has a thing right? Some people are scared of flying or haven’t learnt to ride a bike. Others are into taxidermy or have a lot of cats they give full names. We all have a thing. I haven’t had sex. That’s mine.
I never found time. I was busy doing other things while my friends were busy doing people. Then I turned 19 and it got less like she’s waiting and more like what’s wrong with her? More like shouldn’t this have happened a while ago?
I’m not against sex. I just don’t have it. I’m not constantly clad in white and hiding in fear of being sacrificed. I’m not a Christian, I’m not abstaining and the part that most people are concerned by is, I’m not unattractive. I’m attractive but I haven’t had sex. That’s why people care; they see me as a walking talking oxymoron. Or maybe just a moron.
So why has a picky perfectionist with a fear of commitment retained her virginity? There’s a lot to it. But put simply, I haven’t got round to it. There has not been a person I wanted to have sex with that wanted to have sex with me at the same time. It’s a scheduling error. Something bound to work itself out within the next year. But when I have sex I won’t lose my virginity. I can’t lose something I never had.
Virginity is a concept constructed by society. To be a virgin used to mean pure and chaste, it was the approved things to be. But as sex before marriage is now the norm and we celebrate our sexual identities, being a virgin at uni makes you one of a small group. With virginity comes shame and judgement and lots of other words I want nowhere near me.
Losing it suggests that afterwards I’d be lesser, somehow be lacking. To say losing it seems like I was foolish and left it in a bar like you could your phone. Anyone stupid enough to misplace their virginity would be embarrassed, imagine having to pick it out at lost property. Does it look like me? Would I recognise it? Losing it sounds awful. Having sex does not.
I will have sex, maybe soon, maybe not. It’s my choice and I’m glad for it. But I won’t lose my virginity. I think I’m good.