Here is a pesto recipe. It is not the best one, but it works and pesto is incredible regardless. Grab your blender, food processor, whatever’s available, and throw in about 50g of parmesan (I used less because my family don’t like cheese for some reason, but believe in yourself and eat that cheese), then throw in a few cloves of crushed garlic too. Blend it a bit, probably not going to do much at this point, but it’s nice to feel like you’re doing something, especially when you spend all day watching television and trying to stave off existential dread.
Next, toast about 50g of pine nuts (however much is in a sachet), this can be done by just tossing them in a pan, no oil, and heating till golden-ish. Just believe and you will achieve. Blend that with the cheese and garlic until it’s kind of a paste. Then throw in about 75g of basil. I know around the start of lockdown it was difficult to get basil, but I advise finding an Italian grandmother and just taking it, because despite stories, they fully can’t stop you. Anyway, blend it for a bit.
Pour in about 80g of olive oil, be conservative, don’t want oily pesto, and do this last to weigh everything else down. You can pour it in as you blend to create sort of an emulsifying effect, but who are you acting big for?
Throw in a bit of lemon juice and just an insane amount of salt. Dehumidify a small sea and use that much salt. Finally blend until it has a pesto-esque consistency. There you go. You have pesto now. You can store it, put it on pasta, put it on a chicken, tomato, and mozzarella sandwich, anything really. Just eat it quick. Then you can make more pesto. That way time can’t find you. That’s what it’s all about really. Hiding from time. Hiding forever.