Being single vs being in a relationship

Daniel Peters on the freedom of being single:

“Alright boys and girls take your seats and buckle the fuck up because in 184 little words I’m about to change your life forever.

Relationships ey, who needs em’? You’re in the cinema trying to watch a move then BAM your date swoops in with the ol’ hand hold. At first it seems cool, boosting your street cred amongst fellow theatre-goers. Plus, the simple touch of another human’s skin against your own might help fend off the crippling loneliness a little while longer. But soon your hand gets sweaty and they might think you’re weird.

Or what if you’re seeing an emotional film? You can’t risk taking a girl to see ‘Les Misérables’ and then you cry at the end. Then she tells all her mates that I cried and ruins any future chance at love with other girls in my school.

No sir. Better to just accept the inevitable and try get a job that pays enough to feed all the cats you’re going to be buying.

‘Relationship’ also rhymes with ‘dictatorship’ and no one likes one of those.”

Liam Heitman-Rice argues for the comfort of relationships:

“After you have spent a certain amount of time in a relationship with someone they will stop caring about you in the nicest possible way. Worn the same shirt for six days? Fine with me. Haven’t rolled off the couch once this weekend? No worries, you’ve earned it.

Only when you truly become comfortable in someone else’s company can you fart and pick your nose at the same time. They’ll probably roll their eyes and wonder how they ended up here, but then they’ll remember they also like to leave their week-old undies over every square inch of the bedroom floor without being told to pick it up.

The single scene demands clean shirts, slick hair and fresh breath – but when you’ve settled down good and proper, neither party needs to give a shit anymore.”


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June 2021
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