Accepted wisdom states that if something is the subject of a Vince Vaughn movie, it must be a weighty topic worthy of serious discussion. So without further ado, let’s discuss sperm donation!
Students are known for going to extreme lengths to earn an extra buck – those Mufasa costumes for the LCR Disney night don’t come cheap – but is selling your own DNA a step too far? As Mark Ruffalo testifies in The Kids Are All Right, it’s easier than giving blood. And compared to our egg-donating friends of the fairer sex, it’s an easy, non-invasive and – depending on your stamina – quick process. Consider it getting paid for something you’d probably be doing anyway, with the bonus that you can see your swimmers being frozen all science fiction-style before stomping out in a stupor of virility, beating your chest and thumping your club on the ground as you shout, “I am man! I make child!”
Sounds great, no? But steady on, because it doesn’t just stop there – there’s the small matter of producing another human life to consider, too. As of 2005 donors can waive anonymity, giving potential children the option of tracking their papas down. And as Mark Ruffalo would also testify, that can open up a whole new can of worms.
For some, not knowing their father leaves a great sense of emptiness (although, speaking as an East Midlander, unless you get a Jeremy Kyle paternity test then having no idea about your father’s identity is basically standard). What would you think if your little ‘deposit’ came back someday as a grown adult wanting to be a part of your life? Donating sperm clearly isn’t the ‘get in, get out’ one-off job that selling a kidney on the black market is. Then again, providing the love juice doesn’t automatically make you a parent, and no matter how curious you might be about what became of your donation, there’s every chance that any possible offspring will consider you their father on a strictly biological basis alone.
Although donors are rarely used to create more than two families – meaning you’re unlikely to become a real-life ‘delivery man’ – sperm donation is something that can have long-lasting and unexpected repercussions, and should not be undertaken lightly. That said, any man willing to help childless couples – even if his motives are purely financial – should surely be commended.
And, you know, with rent day fast approaching, sometimes needs must…