After daring to embrace the dark world of January sales, I can safely say that I have learnt a few tricks of the trade with regards to surviving a full day of clothes hunting. On stepping into your average high street shop, in this instance a New Look, I was reminded of a scene in the film Mean Girls of barbaric females going head to head in what would appear to be some sort of monster apocalypse. I momentarily look on (half amused, half frightened) to see a woman resembling a cornered bear as another fellow sales-goer encroaches into her territory.
We are all too familiar with the animalistic mentality of a woman on the hunt for the perfect, bargain priced New Year’s frock, and most of us cannot be held responsible for what we will do to get it! So what should one do in order to return to your comfortable abode in one piece? (Give or take a scratch or two: those ladies on a mission are vicious and unforgiving).
First, it is essential to note that you must have an inclination as to what you want out of the sales, whether it is a sequin-covered sparkly number or a sleek and chic LBD. There is no point allowing oneself to become distracted by a fancy flat shoe display if, speaking from experience, you already have enough to wear a different pair for every day of the month. Stay focused. Sales have that sneaky ability to entrance us into purchasing unnecessary garments – often we get home and wonder if someone drugged us before we bought those fingerless gloves embossed with sheep.
Shops also pose the ‘price tag problem’. This is simple to avoid as long as a highly trained shopper does not succumb to a garment just because there is an enormous ‘£3’ sticker emblazoned upon it. Try it on. Look in the mirror. Hide the price tag: is it “wow” or “put it down now?” If it’s more grandma than grandeur save those three precious pounds for another wiser item deserving of your cash.
With these simple steps, as well as having several trusted friends at your side, you can get through the January sales with ease. But, always remember: never provoke a mother armed with a pram and several bawling children. The consequences are dire.