So you’ve got drunk, stumbled back into your home at four in the morning with a half-finished kebab in hand, and you’re feeling exhausted. But every time you shut your eyes you feel as if your head is spinning like crazy. Because of this, sleep is out of the question for a bit. With the kebab still in hand and lying comfortably on your bed or sofa, the only logical next step is to put on a film. This is where the important question comes up: what exactly can you watch and enjoy when you’re drunk?
The first thing to do is to rule out the films you’re all thinking of: comedies.Think about it, when you’re truly off-your-head drunk, do you actually understand anything anyone is saying? No, you do not. So there’s no way you’re going to be able to catch a joke or the quick quips that comedy movies are riddled with (although if it’s an Adam Sandler comedy, it’s proabably alright, as they likely lack either of these). So forget anything that relies on a keen sense of hearing or any slither of comprehension, because it just isn’t going to happen.
So as you’ve probably guessed by now, it is indeed action movies you should be watching when drunk. But not just any old action movie. I’m talking about the crème-de-la-crème of action movies, the top of the top, the finest Hollywood has to offer – that is , of course, any action movie featuring Arnold ‘Arnie’ Schwarzenegger.
Now don’t get me wrong, Arnie films are fun even when you’re sober, but when you’re intoxicated they’re a whole other level. When you’re drunk you just want to have fun, go wild – your endorphins are up and you need to satisfy this craving (unless of course, you’re drowning your sorrows in alcohol instead). So what better way to go vicariously wild and immerse yourself in fun, than to watch Arnold Schwarzenegger absolutely kick-ass and shoot big guns and cause huge explosions? Try as you may to come up with a rebuttal, ultimately you just can’t argue with it. Think about it, you’re watching a film that is easy on the plot, requiring minimal to no thinking, whilst serving you a feast of glorious non-stop action. By none other than the greatest action star of all-time.
Whether you’re watching him shoot bad guys in True Lies, or shooting bad guys in Predator, or even stab bad guys in Conan the Barbarian, you’re going to have a great time. It will also serve to release any aggression you have, which comes with the intoxication. Every time you see the muscle-ripped Arnie totally destroying a guy with one punch, all you have to do is imagine that it’s you doing the punching, and all aggression will be relinquished – it works like a charm. Furthermore, you’ll find your drunk-self more immersed in an Arnie action film than when sober you watched Inception. Your drunk-self will clap more at every instance Arnie saves the day than when your sober-self clapped at the title shot of The Force Awakens. Your drunk-self will even cry more when Arnie saves all the kids in Kindergarten Cop than when your sober-self cried at the scene where Jack dies in Titanic.
Arnie films are undisputedly the best films to watch when drunk. But seriously, it covers all the bases of things you experience when drunk: heighten emotions, wild-side being unleashed, aggression, etc.. So grab yourself a drink or two or five (and some tequila) and come get drunk with us at the Church of Arnold Schwarzenegger and sit back and be prepared to have some of the best drunk times you’ll ever have.