It’s a tough decision to go on the pill. After many attempts, for me, it was a decision between becoming somewhat of a robot but with a normal temperament or becoming severely depressed and losing all appetite and emotional control. I chose the former.
When I first went on the pill, I took a combined one, and my reason wasnít solely for pregnancy prevention ñ although this is a wonderful side effect. In my case, it was because of the hormonal swings. For a week before my period, not during my period like most, I was tired to the point where I would cry after getting home from work. The smallest things would make me upset. Someone said a mean thing? Cry. Not sure what food you want? Hissy fit. Woke up before alarm? Sobbing. It was miserable.
At the age of 17, after getting my first boyfriend, I decided to try the dreaded pill. I’d heard of all the girls gaining weight and feeling rubbish, but I wasn’t concerned about that. In fact, I was quite happy about gaining weight as I have a history of being underweight and lacking appetite.
Feeling depressed wasn’t an issue either, as I knew how I would react to that due to another auto-immune illness that I had which also has that side effect. Unfortunately, the side effects on my first pill were horrific. Instead of improving the hormonal swings I got every month, they got worse. I didnít even need a stimulus to be upset any more. Even worse, I knew that it was ridiculous, and that just made me more upset, because I felt so out of control. To make matters worse, when I did come off the pill for the ‘period’ I would cramp up and feel so sick I couldnít move. And sex? No go. Not a smidge of lust, or desire.
The pregnancy prevention side was useless as I never wanted sex anyway! After a few months, enough was enough, but I didn’t give up on the pill because it was the most convenient for me, and finally I have found a pill, still far from perfect, but it allows me to function in my normal life, without any noticeable difference in my mentality from week to week.
I still don’t feel desire as much as I used to, but after everything, stability is all I could ask for.