UEA’s sexual landscape

Oh, student sex. As if it wasn’t complicated enough. In first year, there are the awkward manoeuvres on squeaky single beds. The morning glory of waking up to both the person in your bed and the cleaner who is emptying your bin two feet away. The walks of shame after Tuesday LCRs dressed in a toga, pyjamas or a zebra costume (it happens).

In second year, when you live in houses with paper-thin walls and even squeakier beds, the prospect of being heard “in the act” is so terrifying you’d rather swear yourself to celibacy. Almost.

In third year sex becomes organised, where “doing the naughty” is a bullet point on a to-do-list that includes buying toilet roll, paying library fines, and finishing your reading for the next day. But despite various obstacles, according to our annual sex survey UEA students can’t get enough. Small wonder then that our students set the bar even higher by creating the legend of the five L challenge.

For those of you who have never heard of the challenge (and this must be somewhat respected), it involves five places on campus to try and do the deed in.

The list consists of the LCR, the lecture theatre, the library, lake and the launderette. Perhaps you think hitting all these spots will make you the ultimate lad or ladette. Maybe you are in it for the adrenaline rush. Or possibly you are just mental.

Whatever your motivation, here’s some ideas to get you started. Take advantage of the 24 hour library and find an empty carrel on a darkened floor. (Just remember to hang your coat over the window in the door and avoid the silent study areas). LT4 would be an intimate after dark setting, albeit somewhat of a creepy one.

If you go for the alfresco option by the lake, watch out for runners, nettles, and dogs, and voyeurs from the Ziggurat kitchens.

The launderette, however, would suit you if you’re an exhibitionist. The huge glass windows and fluorescent lights will show you both off nicely. Make sure the washing machine is at a high setting for good vibrations. Maybe if you’re especially tiny or very flexible you could actually climb inside a tumble-dryer. Or not.

In all honesty, having sex in the LCR on a night out may be the easiest option. However, it is also just gross. Is it really worth it? Probably not. You could obsess over completing the five L challenge, or you could just aim for the sixth. Getting a life.


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May 2021
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