It’s raining men, hallelujah!

There’s been a world first this month as UKIP Oxfordshire councillor David Silvester blamed bad weather on the legalization of same sex marriage in England and Wales. Weather analysts have spent significant lengths of time attempting to explain the recent flooding and destructive weather, but it appears Silvester has brought investigations to a halt and provided the answers. According to the UKIP member, the Prime Minister acted “arrogantly against the gospel” and his actions have therefore brought on damaging consequences.


It’s common knowledge rain clouds are amongst the most homophobic of weather components, and sources close to Silvester have confirmed the clouds’ involvement in seeking revenge for the change in English and Welsh marriage laws. High-speed winds are reportedly of equally bigoted opinion and joined forces with the rain clouds in an onset of rage upon hearing the news. If only David Cameron had taken appropriate action in April 2012, after reading a letter sent by Silvester to warn him of the disasters that would encroach if the same sex marriage bill was passed, we would of course all have enjoyed a warm and sunny British Winter as a thanks from the narrowminded weather system.

In other news, Syrian war takes place at the hands of Mickey and Minnie Mouse as a protest against Star Wars being sold to Disney and Christmas-period power cuts are traced back to biblical disciples in a disagreement over the commercialisation of Christmas.

One can only imagine what exactly went through the mind of Mr. Silvester upon making his opinion (which, of course, he is entitled to have) public in such a way as to present himself as ignorant, old-fashioned and a little bit crazy. Welcoming same-sex marriage into English and Welsh law is a big step in equality, and was always going to be met with differing opinions, but perhaps claiming a resulting effect on the weather is a few steps too far.

If anything, Mr. Silvester, you’ve dug your party quite a large hole. Not that he’ll be around to try and dig his way out of it, as UKIP have suspended him, which is probably for the best. But good luck to the rest of the party with trying to get out of that hole.


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December 2021
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