Christ, that movie was 2 and a half hours long.
Let’s get the pleasantries out the way: yes the CGI can be a bit questionable, yes when Kristen Wiig becomes a cheetah it looks terrible, yes it’s much too long, yes, it falls through in the third act, and yes, it is just another of those high-budget corporate blockbuster superhero flicks. But I did have fun.
There’s an opening scene that the movie could really do without, where a young-Diana wins an amazonian competition by cheating, then has the prize taken from her, as a hamfisted representation of the film’s confused message, which can’t decide if the main tenant is “be careful what you wish for” or “things are only worth getting the right way” or something even more nebulous.
After that, we get to the main story, which is pretty interesting, revolving around a businessman/con man (played by Pedro Pascal) becoming able to grant people’s wishes but at a price, his hand becoming a monkey’s paw, and that’s always interesting (until the third act, when I checked out entirely, but that’s a recurrent theme from the last Wonder Woman). This wish-granting power brings back Steve Trevor (Chris Pine) who died in the first movie, and whose spirit inhabits another man’s body – but we only see this man in one or two scenes, mostly that actor is substituted for Pine himself.
I’m not going to pretend that Chris Pine isn’t charismatic, or that there were some fun “man out of time” beats, but Diana (Gal Gadot) having her boyfriend back did nothing but neuter the electric sexual tension between her character and Barbara (Kristen Wiig), which I was worried was a case of “ah I’m probably just impressing my own sapphic tendencies upon this movie” until my housemate – himself not well-versed in superhero lore – asked 30 minutes in: “is Wonder Woman gay?”
Music to my ears.
All told, I had fun with this movie, I found myself entertained, amused (until the last 30 minutes), and didn’t really feel the length of it all that much (until the last 30 minutes). Sometimes it is just nice to see a film explore something supernatural and extraordinary with a fun 80s aesthetics and some quips.
But if I must talk about those last 30 minutes: everything fell apart, the beats that I had enjoyed suspending my disbelief for dropped into nonsensical, it was hideous, and featured a speech as bizarre as it was meaningless where Gadot whispered a monologue somehow heard by a character the other side of an incredibly noisy room. I don’t know, man. What do you want from me?
It was a generic superhero movie from the blockbuster company that makes worse generic superhero movies than their competitor.
Would I watch it again?
Would I say it was “alright”, and say that I’m glad I watched it?
Does this one also have an end-credits sequence teasing a sequel?
No idea, by that time I was ready to leave. Probably.