I love a cinematic event. They’d been sorely missing during COVID thus far.
At first, the announcement of the Snyder Cut’s release prompted little more than a raised eyebrow, then as I got thinking about it, I thought “maybe it will be so bad it’s good”, and right as the trailers were coming out I watched them and wondered idly: “What if this movie is actually good?” Eventually, I wasn’t excited for it simply because it was an event, I was excited because I wanted to see this movie and I wanted to love it.
Which makes it a shame that Zack Snyder’s Justice League was a painfully boring viewing experience that took three separate sittings and was no more enjoyable than my memory of the original from several years ago.
I’m not going to go in-depth about whether this movie should have happened at all, as I can only imagine how awful it must be to leave a creative project for a tragic reason, only to have someone finish it in a way you disagreed with. I’m not here to spend superfluous time comparing “Whedon’s” Justice League to Snyder’s. If I had to name the better version of this film, it would be the 2014 direct-to-TV animated movie Justice League: War, a much more enjoyable film following a similar story that you could watch roughly three times before reaching the end of Snyder’s mastubatory motion picture.
What I will say is – regardless of context or production or Henry Cavill having or not having a moustache – Zack Snyder’s Justice League is awful. It sucks. It’s very bad. It goes on longer than it needs to, with scenes that either don’t need to be in this movie or run on too long. It is visually and narratively uninteresting, with characters devoid of character and a pretentiousness and assuredness of how good and clever and impactful it is that suggests Zack Snyder hasn’t actually watched any of his other movies.
If you ever wondered what would happen if someone who had no understanding of superheroes other than “they should look cool” decided to try and write a movie about them, wonder no more.
It was stupid and annoying and boring and I hate that I don’t love it. I read reviews and listen to podcasts from people who liked it or enjoyed it or loved it and feel boiling jealousy. I didn’t want to dislike this movie. I love superheroes. I love these superheroes. To be blown away by a four hour Justice League movie is something I long for. Instead I have a movie I had to force myself to finish, that is needlessly long, needlessly cut into chapters, and features a 30 minute epilogue that introduced me to the worst acting I have seen outside of Tommy Wiseau’s The Room.
Was this a cinematic event? Yes. Should it have happened? Jury’s out. Would I watch it again? Absolutely not. Do the four hours spent slogging through it feel wasted? 100%.
Anyway, hopefully this harangue was all I needed to never have to think about this movie again.